Re: For Review: HRC @ Steak Fry

6 messages attach_file 3

Based on a discussion with HRC this afternoon, I’ve reworked the steak fry remarks to focus even more on the personal stories and values of Harkin, Clinton, and Braley. This is a little longer than it should be, so I’d welcome suggestions for cuts, as well as general feedback. If its possible to get a quick gut reaction tonight, that would be very helpful as she’s eager to see a draft.

From: Dan <dschwerin@hrcoffice.com>
Date: Tuesday, September 9, 2014 at 11:53 AM
To: Huma Abedin <Huma@clintonemail.com>, Cheryl Mills <cheryl.mills@gmail.com>, Philippe Reines <pir@hrcoffice.com>, Robby Mook <robbymook@gmail.com>, Jake Sullivan <Jake.Sullivan@gmail.com>, John Podesta <john.podesta@gmail.com>, Nick Merrill <nmerrill@hrcoffice.com>
Cc: Ethan Gelber <egelber@hrcoffice.com>
Subject: Re: For Review: HRC @ Steak Fry & DSCC fundraiser

All, I am revising the Steak Fry based on your feedback but wanted to flag a few issues for discussion:

DSCC — No comments on this yet, so I’m assuming its basically fine, although revisions to Steak Fry will carry over.
We can do better — Jake asked whether this comes off as a dig at the President and Cheryl expressed discomfort with it, preferring maybe “we’re better than that” or some other device. PIR, perhaps you’d like to make the case?
Contrasts — The current draft takes the same approach to drawing contrasts as we did at the Terry rally, avoiding mentioning Republicans by name but laying out a choice, for example between moving forward and backward, or raising the minimum wage or eliminating it. Cheryl questioned whether this might still be too hot and partisan and might prefer just saying “we have a choice whether to move forward” and avoid spelling out the alternative. And in general she’s concerned about amping up the partisanship. Robby thinks this is the minimum we can get away with from the activists and maybe should even have more red meat, like “corporations now have all the rights of people and none of the responsibilities"
Hatch and Braley — Huma reports that Harry Reid and Tom Vilsack both encouraged us to pump up Hatch, the long-shot candidate for governor. Robby thinks Braley needs to be more the centerpiece of the speech than he is now, and perhaps would pick one of his issues, like the minimum wage, to really focus on rather than the current litany.
HRC personal story — The current draft focuses more on Harkin’s personal story than HRC’s, which is in keeping with what we discussed with her in our meeting, but Robby thinks we need more on Dorothy and Hugh to avoid this sounding like a speech any generic Dem could give.
20/20 — The forward looking “future vision” section near the end is working right now, but I’m not sure how to fix. Anyone have any brilliant ideas for improving it, or should we just cut and try it later when we’ve figured out a better way to do it?

From: Dan Schwerin [dschwerin@hrcoffice.com]
Sent: Monday, September 08, 2014 10:11 PM
To: Cheryl Mills; Philippe Reines; Robert Mook; Jake Sullivan; John Podesta; Huma Abedin; Nick Merrill
Cc: Ethan Gelber
Subject: For Review: HRC @ Steak Fry & DSCC fundraiser

All, tomorrow HRC is doing her first political event, a DSCC women’s fundraiser at Whitehaven. Then, as you know, she’s doing the Harkin Steak Fry over the weekend.

I’m attaching draft remarks for both events and would love your feedback.

I’ve drawn from the narratives we discussed with her last week (and it would still be great to get your comments on that as well), plus requests from the candidates, and some past speeches, etc. I imagine folks will have more to say about the Steak Fry, but please look at the DSCC as well since its more urgent.

Thanks

Dan

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2014-09-9 - Harkin Steak Fry.docx 33 KB

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All, here’s the latest draft of the steak fry remarks. It’s a speech about what spurs us into public service. Please send me any comments or suggestions (especially for cuts).

Thanks

Dan

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2014-09-10 - Harkin Steak Fry - 830pm.docx 37 KB

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Kudos, Dan.  This is shaping up really nicely.

On Wed, Sep 10, 2014 at 8:48 PM, Dan Schwerin  wrote:
> All, here’s the latest draft of the steak fry remarks.  It’s a speech about
> what spurs us into public service.  Please send me any comments or
> suggestions (especially for cuts).
> Thanks
> Dan

Revised to reflect everyone¹s feedback, plus shortened to get us down to
around 15 minutes. Teresa V and Lorraine V both have reviewed for Iowa
sensibilities. I asked Vietor and Favreau to read it from an Obama
perspective. Think we¹re getting pretty close here.

On 9/11/14, 9:56 AM, "Robert Mook"  wrote:

>Kudos, Dan.  This is shaping up really nicely.
>
>On Wed, Sep 10, 2014 at 8:48 PM, Dan Schwerin 
>wrote:
>> All, here¹s the latest draft of the steak fry remarks.  It¹s a speech
>>about
>> what spurs us into public service.  Please send me any comments or
>> suggestions (especially for cuts).
>> Thanks
>> Dan

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2014-09-11 - Harkin Steak Fry.docx 50 KB

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hmmmmm

On Sat, Sep 13, 2014 at 4:42 PM, Dan Schwerin <dschwerin@hrcoffice.com> wrote:

HRC still isn’t exactly sold on the speech. Is concerned its neither fish
nor fowl, neither a rah-rah partisan call to arms nor a really personal
narrative. Her answer is to be more direct up front about why she’s there
and why she isn’t. Say explicitly that she has a big decision to make and
if she decides to move forward, then she’ll be back with a lot more to say
about where we should take the country. But for now, she’s here for Tom
and Ruth and these candidates. Also more joking about the grandchild and
how she’s waiting with baited breath.

I’m revising now.

On 9/12/14, 3:03 AM, "Dan Schwerin" <dschwerin@hrcoffice.com> wrote:

>Revised to reflect everyone¹s feedback, plus shortened to get us down to
>around 15 minutes. Teresa V and Lorraine V both have reviewed for Iowa
>sensibilities. I asked Vietor and Favreau to read it from an Obama
>perspective. Think we¹re getting pretty close here.
>
>
>On 9/11/14, 9:56 AM, "Robert Mook" <robbymook@gmail.com> wrote:
>
>>Kudos, Dan. This is shaping up really nicely.
>>
>>On Wed, Sep 10, 2014 at 8:48 PM, Dan Schwerin <dschwerin@hrcoffice.com>
>>wrote:
>>> All, here¹s the latest draft of the steak fry remarks. It¹s a speech
>>>about
>>> what spurs us into public service. Please send me any comments or
>>> suggestions (especially for cuts).
>>> Thanks
>>> Dan
>

HRC still isn’t exactly sold on the speech. Is concerned its neither fish
nor fowl, neither a rah-rah partisan call to arms nor a really personal
narrative. Her answer is to be more direct up front about why she’s there
and why she isn’t. Say explicitly that she has a big decision to make and
if she decides to move forward, then she’ll be back with a lot more to say
about where we should take the country. But for now, she’s here for Tom
and Ruth and these candidates. Also more joking about the grandchild and
how she’s waiting with baited breath.

I’m revising now.

On 9/12/14, 3:03 AM, "Dan Schwerin"  wrote:

>Revised to reflect everyone¹s feedback, plus shortened to get us down to
>around 15 minutes. Teresa V and Lorraine V both have reviewed for Iowa
>sensibilities. I asked Vietor and Favreau to read it from an Obama
>perspective. Think we¹re getting pretty close here.
>
>
>On 9/11/14, 9:56 AM, "Robert Mook"  wrote:
>
>>Kudos, Dan.  This is shaping up really nicely.
>>
>>On Wed, Sep 10, 2014 at 8:48 PM, Dan Schwerin 
>>wrote:
>>> All, here¹s the latest draft of the steak fry remarks.  It¹s a speech
>>>about
>>> what spurs us into public service.  Please send me any comments or
>>> suggestions (especially for cuts).
>>> Thanks
>>> Dan
>