Re:

Hello Dr Demartini

EFTA00678470

I have had a lot on my mind and trying to process what needs to be dealt with in order of importance, so as to leave me functioning in a healthy manner, has been a challenge. I want to live life in an inspiring, free state of well being and wish that for all those in life as well. I feel like the space in...doing work on cleaning up my [ ] life, reflecting on what has contributed to this point has left me and others in a space of a period of pause with regards to how to perceive my questions, statements, correspondence and interactions. The speculation based on a perceived history that was created as a result of not having an internal heading has caused much volatility in my life. Trying to suppress the inadequacies I've experienced on my journey through life has left me with very little in terms of who I really am. I am only now beginning with a waking up process to the reality that everything is pointing to the perception that I can't and don't have the ability to fully comprehend the gravity of my real situation, that my choices have not been my own and that I have been run by people who have participated in my life trying to glean from my actions what the best situation would be for me and if I look back at my life I realise that it lacked coherency and congruency in terms of the way a disciplined, directed mind would work. I have had an internal communion with the forces at play in the universe and realise that the way I was trying to nurture myself was not based on what the real divine order of life would be handing out. I am left in a broken down shell knowing that I need to change the direction my life was heading because not expressing aspects of myself was an internal judgement that now is being assessed and I realise my silence has been taken as consent and I feel led into this place that my soul is calling me to understand and identify. I feel that my contract with the universe and why I was manifested needs to be re addressed...I know I was called to be of service...to be a part of something, a member of a family, a friend, a companion. I have spent most of my life trying to numb my own needs because I didn't have the expression that enabled me a secure and prepared for place in terms of developing myself to fulfill the duties in terms of what's expected in the "real" world today if one wants to live an independent, free life of well being (being in a state of grace with gratitude and love for my body, mind and spirit) with wisdom and wealth so as to appreciate the whole grand organised design in equilibrium. In this moment I feel that my efforts to even try and express integrating the internal with the external has fallen so short because it only highlights the duality between what the search for a place in this earthly existence, living with an awareness of compromise can manifest. Being another and not at one. Experiencing both realms but never owning my own being.

From,

Francis.
Francis Jardine-Deuss
Sent from my BlackBerry

EFTA00678471

Dear John...
Francis Jardine-Deuss
Sent from my BlackBerry

Hi my love, you write beautifully Have u managed to connect with your doctor in anyway, are u still adamant that u don't want to take any meds? Love u M Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

OMG Michelle!!

I realise why my system has been so run down and why I have been so stressed about something going on in my body.

I pushed out a tampon this morning from my last period which was about 3 weeks ago.

I think I've had some kind of toxic shock going on in my body after becoming so preoccupied about trying to clean up my life and getting things in order. I can relax a little and start focusing on the steps to get my living arrangements more organised so that I can start managing my life a little more evenly.

Hope you are all well.

EFTA00678469

Francis.

Shame my love, I am sure it must of made you feel terrible has the pain in your stomach subsided? Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

Michelle...

Please try and call me by my name, it makes me feel like you're treating me like a child...I know that my anxiety about the pain and symptoms have caused the need for concerned care...but I would like to be able to express my needs, know how to deal with them and move on...I don't want to be babied by anyone...I want to focus on empowering myself and would appreciate your adaptability to the changing needs of life.