Re:

does my side need to have a heavy dose of contrition. ?

Not necessarily. If you feel that you haven't done anything wrong in some regard, why apologize? On the other hand, if -- on reflection -- you wish you had done otherwise regarding something, then duly note...

I think you should spend a couple of days with somebody you trust and do a core dump, just tell him/her everything as it happened. And then have somebody (maybe somebody else) organize it and write it up -- and then think about all of this, as it looks unvarnished...

I hope this helps!

s.