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For those of you whom are single, divorced, recently separated, or just enjoy reading those "Friend Finder" ads, here's a handy dictionary to help decipher them.

WOMEN'S ADS

40-ish. 49
Adventurer.. Slept with all your friends
Athletic. No tits
Average looking. Has a face like a basset hound
Beautiful... Pathological liar
Contagious Smile. Does a lot of Ecstasy
Educated.. Banged her Political Science professor
Emotionally Secure. Medicated
Feminist.. Fat ballbuster
Free spirit. Junkie
Friendship first. Trying to live down reputation as a slut
Fun.. Annoying
Gentle. Comatose
Good Listener. Borderline Autistic
New-Age.... All body hair, all the time.
Old-fashioned.. Lights out, missionary position only, no BJs
Open-minded. Desperate
Outgoing.. Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate. Sloppy drunk
Poet.. Depressive Schizophrenic
Professional. Certified Bitch
Redhead.. Bad dye-job
Reubenesque. Grossly Fat
Romantic. Looks better by candle light
Social.. Has been passed around like an hors d'oeuvres tray
Voluptuous... Very Fat
Weight proportion w/ height. Hugely Fat
Wants Soulmate. Stalker
Widow... Drove first husband to shoot himself
Young at heart. Old bat

MEN'S ADS

40-ish... 52 and looking for 25-yr-old
Athletic... Watches a lot of NASCAR
Average looking. Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & back
Educated.. Will patronize the shit out of you
Free Spirit. Banging your sister.
Friendship first.. As long as friendship involves nookie
Fun.... Good with a remote and a six pack
Good looking... Arrogant
Very good looking. Dumb as a board.
Honest.. Pathological Liar
Huggable.. Overweight, more body hair than a bear
Likes to cuddle. Insecure mama's boy
Mature.... Older than your father
Open-minded.. Wants to sleep with your roommate but she's not interested
Physically fit.. Does a lot of 12-ounce curls.
Poet... Wrote ex-girlfriend's % on a bathroom stall
Sensitive.. Cries at chick flicks
Very sensitive. Gay
Spiritual. Got laid in a cemetery once
Stable.. Arrested for stalking, but not convicted
Thoughtful.. Says "Excuse me" when he farts.