(no subject)

I love you. I try to do my best , not to have any conversation that will result in tears, you being upset. or anxious. months ago you told me , " jeffrey you have done a lot for me that I am grateful for, but I can't live with the pressure ". I told you that you are not obligated to me, no matter what. I only want what is good for you. from day 1 . I was as honest as i can be , that jealousy is very difficult for me to understand or handle. it makes me crazy, i find it nothing more than selfish, If I tell you that i have an opportunity to learn things including non emotional sex in japan , you get angry, cry in public and make the otherwise peaceful weekend, stressful. I tell you that I was asked to go on a boys trip. and all i hear is " don't bring back a disease. " . I am tired and tell you I need sleep , but another few episodes of 24 , is what you prefer. each example is emblematic of ignoring what I might need/enjoy, if it does not involve you. you tell me one day, its ok , if i dont like it , it doesnt mean you shouldnt do it, and then two days later tears over only a hypotheticial conversation, not anything but speculation of a trip two years in the future. I only love you. I have spent three years of my life wating for you to finish a school that after hundreds of thousands of dollars and weeks and months spent on my own only as a result of your desire to be a dentist you now tell me you changed your mind and no longer like the idea of dentistry. I with all the kindness and gentlemsss that i could raise told you that learning about sex stuff was important to me. more tears, I gave up after the tenth time. realizing that all i accomplished was to upset you . so no more conversations. none. you told me sex was emotional. sex with you is wonderful. great . we have different needs . I try as best as i can to meet yours. adn will continue to do so

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