see Jackie this Sat. in Bay Shore, Long Island
for great dirty jokes 24/7, Use Your Finger! dial ( I-WINE ! free jokes for The Universe since 1979... simply dial ... not a pay service, just a regular call ... 36 years of free jokes!
A guy meets an older woman in a bar and they go back to her place. As he's getting into bed, she takes off her high heels and her dress and puts them on the dresser. She takes off her blouse and her bra and her falsies and throws them on the dresser. She takes off her wig and her fake eyelashes and puts them on the dresser. She takes out her false teeth and her glass eye and puts them on the dresser.
She says, "Are you ready for me?"
He says, "Hell, no. I'm going to fuck the dresser."
this is
The Jokeland E-Mail List. if you're not supposed to be on this train, please disembark & get off now. ... and please tell anybody who wants to get on to e-mail me, jokeland@aol.com
Stukowski says to his boss, "Sir, I need tomorrow off. My wife is gonna have a baby The boss gives him the next day off.
The day, after that Stukowski walks into work and the boss says, "Well, was it a boy or a girl?" Stukowski says, "We won't know for nine months."
It's Word Wat Two and an Italian kid's in the Philippines for a few years. His mom and his girlfriend haven't seen him in a long time, so he decides to send them pictures. He takes a picture of himself naked, rips it in half, and sends the top half to his mother and the bottom half to his girlfriend. But he mixes them up.
His mother opens the letter, looks at the picture, and says, "Atsa my Luigi ... a long-a nose, droopy cheeks and he don't-a never shave."
What's black and white and sits on a doorknob? A horny nun.
for the kids:
Knock, knock...
Who's there?
Eddie...
Eddie who?
Eddie body home?
What's the best way to stuff a turkey? Take him out for pizza and ice cream.
What would you call Batman after he gets run over by a bus? Flatman.
How do you keep a skunk from smelling? Cut off it's nose.
How do we know that peanuts are fattening? Have you ever seen a skinny elephant?
Billy goes to the doctor. He says, "Doc, I feel like I'm invisible." The doctor says, "Who said that?"
end of the Kids' Section ...
McKenna's in a hospital bed, and his doctor says, "I can't tell exactly what's wrong with you. I think it's due to all the drinking."
McKenna says, "Then get somebody sober in here to examine me, you fucking moron."
Dirty Johnny looks at his mother coming out of the shower and says "Hey, Ma, you sure are gettin' fat." She says, "Yes, John. You see, I'm pregnant. I have a baby growing in my belly." He says, "What's growin' in your ass?"
The undertaker comes up to the widow and says, "How old was your husband?" She says, "Ninety-eight. Two years older than me." He says, "So you're ninety-six? Hardly worth going home, is it?"
What's the difference between a white cow and a black cow? A white cow goes, "Moo," and a black cow goes, "Moo out d' way."
Schneider says to his wife, "Have you been sucking off the dog?" She says, "Why do you ask?"
He says, "Because every time you yawn he gets a hard-on."
A guy walks into a drug store and says, I need birth control pills for my eleven-year-old daughter." The pharmacist says, "Your daughter is sexually active at eleven?" The guy says, "Nah, she just lays there like her mother."
thanks for enjoying this month's crop ... ... if you don't like jokes, I hope somebody cuts off your head and shits in your neck ...
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@JackieMartling
for information on Jackie's shows, you can always just "Use Your Finger!" thirty-six years of free jokes! and dial ( -WINE ... not a pay service, just a local call ...
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Box 58
Bayville, NY 11709
USA
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8pm this Saturday, November 21st
Boulton Center
37 West Main Street
Bay Shore, Lon Island, New York
https://web.ovationtix.com/trs/pesptpm/10034064/1025578
boultoncenter.org
good-looking...ahem...woman...and Sabean's on the road and doesn't they really realize hit it he's off. gone They into have a a bar few full drinks of transvestites. and then they He leave starts the talking bar and to a climb into the back seat of his car.
After a few minutes, he says, "Are you pregnant?" She says, "Umm urn, yes. Yes, I am." Sabean says, "I thought so. The kid's arm is hanging out."
What should you do if a midget's missing? Put his face on a carton of Half & Half.
An old Southern guy's got a pond on his farm. One day he hears giggling and splashing, so he grabs a pail and heads for the pond. When he gets there, there's three girls skinny dipping. When they see him, they swim to the far and of the pond.
One of the girls says, "We're not climbing out of here buck naked with you standing there." The farmer says, "I'm not here to see you girls naked. I'm here to feed the alligator."
it's the Horrordays!
goodness gracious, it certainly seems the Holiday Season comes around quicker than poop through a goose. not that there's anything wrong with that.
hope you enjoy these jokes. the older I get the more I love them. go finger.
when's the last time you "Used Your Finger" and dialed (█████-WINE ?!
still going, 36 years later ... [ █████████ ]
please spread the word about this silly list.
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and just remember:
if the Pilgrims had shot a bobcat instead of a turkey,
we'd all be eating pussy on Thanksgiving.
Jackie
A big, fat farmer is walking down a dirt road in the rain with his big, fat wife when he suddenly gets horny. He pulls his wife down to the ground, lifts up her dress, and starts fucking her.
After a minute, he says, "Elsie, is it in you, or is it in the mud?" She says, "It's in the mud." He reaches down, and fiddles around a bit. Then he says, "Now is it in you, or is it in the mud?" She says, "It's in me." He says, "Put it back in the mud."
What's more fun than having sex with the woman you've been married to for twenty years? Everything.
Friedman's sitting at the bar drunk and he says to the bartender, "Who'd you vote for in the last election?" The bartender says, "It's none of your business. And besides, you don't talk politics in a bar." A few minutes later, Friedman says, "What church do you go to?" The bartender says, "It's none of your business. And besides, you don't talk religion in a bar." A few minutes later, Friedman says, "Can I talk about sex?" The bartender says, "Sure. Sex is a great topic for barroom conversation." Friedman says, "Fuck you."
please follow me on Twitter! get a new (?) joke every day at 4:20 pm EST ... @lackieMartling
A cowboy comes running into a saloon in the Old West yelling, "Big Red's coming! Big Red's coming!" Before anybody can leave the bar, a huge guy walks in. He's seven feet tall and almost as wide, grunting with each step. He walks behind the bar, picks up the spittoon, empties two bottles of whiskey into it, swishes it around and glugs! it down in one big swig.
The bartender says, "Y-y-you want another one, m-m-mister?"
The guy says, "Are you kidding? I gotta get out of here. Big Red's coming."
8pm this Saturday, November 21st
Boulton Center
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