Re: Jackie shows! Yonkers, Lancaster PA, Long Island!
How's driving like jerking off? The faster you go the better it feels, and your girlfriend'll never be able to do it as well as you can.
Who was the first gay Walt Disney character? Mickey Mouth.
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A girl's stark naked sunning herself on top of a roof when she falls asleep, rolls over and falls off the building. As she comes flying past an open window, there's a guy standing there, and he catches her. She's naked. He says, "Will you fuck me?" She says, "No." He drops her. She falls a few more stories and there's another guy by an open window. He catches her. She's nude. He says, "Will you suck me?" She says, "No." He drops her. She falls a few more stories, and there's another guy by an open window. He catches her. He drops her and says, "You whore."
www.jokeland.com http://www.jokeland=com
for information on Jackie's shows,
you can always just "Use Yo=r Finger!"
thirty-seven years of free jokes!
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not a pay service, just a local call ...
A guy gets a new job. He works Thursday and Friday. On Monday he calls in and says, "I can't come in today. I'm sick." He works the rest of the week, but the following Monday he calls in and says, "I can't come=in today. I'm
sick."
The boss asks the foreman about him, and the foreman says, "He's great. He does the work of =wo men. We need him."
So the boss calls the guy into his office, and says, "You seem to have a problem getting to work on Mondays. You're a good worker and I'd hate to fire you. What'=s the problem? Anything we can help you with? Drugs? Alcohol?"
The guy says, "No, I don L=3 drink or do drugs. But my brother-in-law drinks every weekend, and then beats on my sister. So every Monday morning, I go over to make sure she's all right. She puts her head on my shoulder and cries, one thing leads to another, and the next thing you know, I'm fucking her." The boss says, "You fuck yo=r own sister?"
The guy says, "Hey, I told you I was sick."
my autobiography, "The Joke Man: Bow To Stern" is ready for action! it's being released October 24th ... on Pre-Sale now! take care of many Holiday presents with one click! http://j=ckiethejokeman.com http://jackiethejokeman.com/
I hope you enjoyed this month's jokes ... if you didn't, why don't you go shit and fall back in it?.
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my autobiography, "The Joke Man: Bow To Stern" is ready for action! it's being released October 24th ... on Pre-Sale now! take care of many Holiday presents with one click! http://jackiethejokeman.com
Rosegarten goes into a luncheonette and orders a hamburger and a hot dog. A few minutes later, the waitress puts a plate in front of him with an open bun on it, pulls a hamburger out of her armpit, and tosses it on the bun.
Rosegarten says, "What the hell was that all about?" She says, "I was just keeping it warm for you." He says, "Cancel my hot dog."
Mrs. Bergmann says to her neighbor, "The Sunday School teacher asked a question, and my Caitlin was the only one who could answer it."
Her neighbor says, "Really? What was the question?" "Who farted?"
Spring is around the coroner!
.... yow.
an especially bad typo for a newly minted 69-year-old ...
please buy many, many copies of my book! I call that Incredibly Direct Marketing.
when's the last time you "Used Your Finger!" and dialed ( )?! still going, 38 years later ... [ > ]
please tell everybody you know ...
to get on the list for monthly jokes, just e-mail me,
and remember ...
Friends may come, and friends may go, And friends may peter out, you know ... But well be friends through thick and thin, Peter out, or peter in ....
Long Island!
I hope to see you at Studio Theatre in Lindenhurst 8pm Saturday, April 15th
this is where I type I love you & appreciate you, and always have ...
Jackie
Mrs. Beccarino says to her husband, "I heard on the news that we're going to get a big rain storm tomorrow, so I was wondering if you'd fix the hole in the roof."
He says, "Who do I look like, Bob fuckin' Villa?"
The next day she says, "The laundry's backed up. Could you fix the washing machine?"
He says, "Who do I look like, Timmy the fuckin' Tool Man?"
The next night she walks in at seven o'clock.
He says, "Where the hell have you been?"
She says, "The car broke down on my way shopping and I had to have it towed to a garage. After the mechanic fixed it, I realized I had forgotten my credit cards and that I didn't have enough money to pay him. After I told him, he told me I could either blow him or bake him a cake."
He says, "Heh, heh.
She says, "Who do I look like, Betty fuckin' Crocker?"
What's white and goes up?
A retarded snowflake.
Nodell's walking around Home Depot when he sees an old High School pal.
He says, "Walter? Is that you? I haven't seen you in thirty years. Man, you look great."
Walter says, "Hey, man! Yeah, it's me. Thanks. I take good care of myself. Work out, eat right, don't drink or smoke. What are you up to?"
Walter says, "My wife's lost, too." Nodell says, "We should go looking for them together. What's your wife look like?" Walter says, "She's twenty-seven, long blonde hair, great body. What's your wife look like?" Nodell says, "Fuck it, let's look for yours."
8:30pm tomorrow night! February 18th!
with Tara Cannistraci!
"Ha! Comedy Club"
257 Market St. (1 Ridge Hill Rd.)
Yonkers, New York
Friday 8, Saturday 8-10, March 3-4th
"Stitches Comedy Club"
Lancaster Family Resort
2270 Lincoln Highway East
Lancaster, Pennsylvania
8pm Saturday, April 15th
"Studio Theatre"
141 South Wellwood Ave.
Lindenhurst, New York
all show info on jokeland.com
Mrs. Cusswort takes a final look at her husband just before his wake, and she says to the funeral director,
"You know, Alfie looks great, but I'm so worried about his toupee sliding down. I know it would just break his heart if his toupee slid down."
The funeral director says, "Don't worry about a thing, lady."
Two days later, the funeral's over, and Mrs. Cusswort says to the funeral director, "Alfie's toupee stayed right in place the whole time. I can't thank you enough. By the way, what'd you do to keep it in place?"
He says, "I stapled it on."
How do fish get high?
Seaweed.
how are you?