(no subject)

I have never thought you would abandon me like this, ever.

I am trying to do things differently in order to grow, build my identity and stand up on my own two feet as I said... You are the one person that has always been there for me and the only one I could really rely on. I just didn't expect you would let me go like this after everything... I would like to do something for you to show you my gratitude. I know I've lost a lot of time, patience of yours, credibility and made many mistakes by repeating the same wrong paths over and over- I apologize for this. I will never be thankful enough. Thanks to you I've learned so many things that without your support I would have probably never known. You taught me so much about life and myself that I can only be thankful with you. I want to make you happy and I'm sorry I've disappointed you. It's by falling that one learns to walk and thanks to all of these mistakes that I have done over and over I've finally cleared up my mind and understood what are my real goals (for real).

Ps: I am meeting with Jean Baptiste Huynh the photographer on Friday (we went at his studio together once). I think he is the perfect base to start with if I want to learn about photography especially for the use of light. He is excellent in this and I could learn a lot from him. I love his work.

Jeffrey for now with no degree I can only get internships in good companies thanks to my contacts in order to learn, not real jobs. Everyone I ask for a paid job tells me I need to finish my degree, except for you you don't want to hire me as well or help me find one! All the internships/jobs good or bad I did since now I've always found them alone by myself. After asking everyone I know for a "real" paid job as you said the only options I have without a degree are: waitress, cleaner, babysitter or sales girl. I can't find any useful skills I can learn in those jobs that I haven't already learned before like being on time, humility and respect and no growth in a specific field of my interest. The only thing I see myself in is in the Art industry but you don't consider it as a "real job". I find myself completely trapped in a situation where I can't find a way out and don't see a future... Sorry if I'm writing you this but I'm panicking.

I'm sure you might think that photography is not a real job but it can turn into one if I do it well. At the beginning I will earn no money with it since I have to learn and I will probably need to work in a shop or something to earn some money. My question is how do I learn by assisting a photographer if I work in a shop all day? How can I earn money to pay my rent and living and in the same time learn a new skill in order to grow in that specific field? I'm not sure how I should manage this...

I'm booking my flight to NY.

You wish me luck but you didn't answer my message on what and how I should do for the job? I have more the impression that you wish me the worse.

You didn't reply to my message. If I was smart and beautiful as you said I would be already successful and you would probably be with me instead of ignoring me. I don't even have a degree now.

It's not whining, it's the truth.

tell the photographer that you really want to learn and are willing to work harder than anyone he's ever seen. I only wish you well.

do as you wish, i will not be there. if i were you i wouldn't spend any money on anything but essentials. i do not intend to give you any more money. I will be in europe for most of the next three weeks. I wish you luck.