(no subject)

i don't know whether the proper term is withdrew, changed his=orientation or whatever

what was clear was that after M=rch 28—the day of the debacle at Chapman—our relationship =hanged and then later more sharply

i blamed mysel= for not guarding myself at Chapman against the malicious behaviour of a m=le "friend" with whom i had had a sharp argument

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i blamed myself for later acting as if you might be part of the c=use

i in fact went through a slow-motion bi=polar experience—we both have our psychological weaknesses =94my main one is that i am bi-polar i have spent over a year of my life lo=ked up because of it

i prayed myself through the =anic phase without ending up in a hospital but the depression this summer =as brutal—two hours every morning before rising going over every m=stake in my life

when i finally got over it, i jo=ed that if you added them all up, there would be 4 corpses

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i want to make it clear to you

you have =upported me most generously over the years

2011 =A025 grand COUG

2013-2017 between 20 and =0 grand a year ELF

with the exception of 2016 whe= it was 40,000 because you slapped a 10,000 "late fee" on yourse=f for forgetting to send 30 grand, as promised early in January =br> another example of your extreme generosity—you calle= me once when i was waiting outside a CUNY building waiting for an intervi=w for a possible job—when you heard that, you said, if it comes up=and would be useful tell them you have a friend who will donate 100 grand =o them, 80 to be put in a research fund under my control

well they had no job worth discussing and later i asked if i could =se the same ploy should a University have a plausible job—yes, you=said—but that did not happen until Chapman, where the President wa= most eager to make contact with you

one last exa=ple, i was waiting in some line in a Walmart when you called and inter ali= asked what i was up to and when i said something about wiring money to co=er research you asked if could use some money and then promptly sent some =unds

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going over my c=lendar for 2017 i see a meeting in NYC on January 11—ten days earl=er you said, you don't need to meet with me to get support, just tell =e you need some—i said, many thanks, but i enjoy seeing you if you=have the time, so we had a typical meeting on the 11th, 12:25 at your Cent=al Park home, pleasant lunch with a glass of wine for me though you do not=drink, always a woman or two present, 25+, and your driver taking me strai=ht to Penn Station

the second meeting was on Dece=ber 28th in Palm Beach, one of the most pleasant with anyone ever—= asked you why you liked white women, when you asked me about black, and w= both laughed, you explained 'Bella Russians", i told you about &=uot;two pants Trivers", you jumped up and within a day sent me a vide= from the '20's of someone selling a two pants suit, to a comedian=who resented the high price etc

i could give you =ther examples of your extreme generosity but let me just summarise by sayi=g you have been of enormous benefit to me in my life

when you once said, perhaps in Palm Beach, that ther= would never be a time when you would not support me, i joked to friends t=is was better than social security—tax free and you invested your =oney more wisely than did the US government, so they might go under but =A0you never would

the point to me is that i enjoy=you as an organism, a very bright and far-ranging mind, with personal inte=rity

all good wishes

wit= every good wish, as always