(no subject)

It's not fair what you did to me psychologically. After 4 years I'm still suffering and crying at night every time I think about you and what you've done to me. I loved you with all my heart, trusted you 100%, told you about my life, feelings, fears, hopes, childhood, family, friends, you knew absolutely everything about me and I opened up like I never did with anyone else completely exposing myself and my soul to you; physically and emotionally. You entered in my life and my skin, created a deep attachment knowing how much I needed it at that time, abused and manipulated me over the years pretending you were my mentor and best friend. I gave you everything I could give you and you took advantage of it in order to manipulate me like a puppet. You created a financial and emotional dependency and then started controlling my life, giving me directions, telling me what to do, psychologically blackmailing me if I wouldn't do what I was 'supposed' to, taking advantage of my attachment to you threatening me you would disappear or not speak to me for a specific period of time if I wouldn't do certain things and then verbally mistreating me for years telling me horrendous things that I will never be able to forget just because I took a film class and bought a bracelet that I returned afterwards. You knew how much I suffered for the abandonment of my father and you did the same thing without giving me any explanations knowing how traumatic this would be for me and all the consequences that would follow. Even if I try to move on with my life it's impossible for me to get rid of those thoughts because what you did still remains imprinted in the back of my mind. The problem is that among these horrible moments I also recall the good ones when you pretended to be my friend and I was so stupid to believe you and sometimes I wish that the Jeffrey I knew at the beginning was the real Jeffrey. Obviously that's just a fantasy.