Re:

Jeffrey,

I was under shock. That moment you told me you would never speak to me =gain I felt like if I had the whole world falling on me and felt totally a=andoned all of a sudden. This horrible feeling was caused because you repr=sent for me a stable rock in my chaotic life. I'm not talking only abo=t the financial part which obviously helped me a lot but more important yo= turned into a Father, a lover, a mentor, a friend... Everything. I've=isolated myself from all the people that surrounded me to follow your dire=tions because spending time with you is what gives me the most happiness. =t that moment what else should I have done ? I reacted impulsively because=in that instant everything turned black. I know it must be difficult to de=I with a 21-year-old's feelings and I understand you can lose your pat=ence. I wish I would have had your wisdom so that I could keep up with you= But I can't. I also thought your promise on the dock was just to shut=me up which made me even more sad... and that was even more painful.

When I lied to u it was always the consequen=e of my reckless acts. The reason I lie is when I'm scared to deal wit= the truth so I make up stories trying to get around your imminent anger o= deception. Obviously it never works and gets even worse later--"lies=have short legs"--but this doesn't make me a bad person because i='s never done in a mean way. Values are extremely important to me and =oyalty is the one I would never give up for anything. The fact that I lied=doesn't take away my values and the fact that I will always be loyal t= you. You told me once you will always be there for me just like I will al=ays be there for you... Yes, always. Also when you will get older I will b= there for you and that is a promise that I will keep no matter what happe=s... because I care. I really do.

I know tha= I've let you down so many times, but never so much as I let myself do=n. However, experiencing failure is the only way for me to learn and under=tand how to do things right. My moods are very unstable and when I'm d=wn I feel paralyzed, closing myself in loneliness... I wish I could change= Maybe speaking with I psychologist would be helpful.

The reason I want to go to school is that my mother never got a d=ploma and this is one of her biggest regrets. She couldn't find a job =ater on also because of this... Unlike you, she had no particular talent t= make it without one and until now I haven't discovered any in myself either. For this reason getting a degree would give me additional security.

You told me I need to find a part time job b= mid-February and I think it's a good idea. I already started asking a=ound for anything available and asked for help on my cv. As you know nobod= of my family ever worked so I don't have any good examples to follow =hen it comes to all of this...Until I get a real position somewhere, I rearly would like to continue my studies. The other reason is that unlike the =S, here in Europe everything is more difficult , people are closed minded =nd the mentality is different which makes it even harder to make it withou= one.

I'm starting to get to know =yself a little more now and I know that for me it takes longer to assimila=e and make things work but at the end I do make it... It is a question of =ime and getting all the parts together.

Jeff=ey, I am extremely grateful for your help. I've realized that Igc=39;ve put my life in your hands... and I know or at least I hope that one =ay you will be proud of me.

Ps: I'm tryi=g to get my grades to send them to you but I don't know why they don&#=9;t show up. I know they are very bad and that this will be an additional =ig deception... Now I know and will do everything I can to make it right n=xt time. I won't let you down.

your life is NOT in my hands , it is in yours.=l have already paid for school this semester. . I =ant to see the final grades. get them. if you hve to go =o the school , get them. Id rather you go to school to learn a=skill. that you can use in life. . watching movies=is not one of them, gender studies is not one. . =C2 graphic design, . photography, even i could live with . you h=ve told me in the past photo asst. fasion job, I sent yo= to china , and you complained about people having to actually work.=. in you email as in most others you say yes i lied BUT = yes i stole BUT. .. then i lied again BUT it wasnt mean=?? what is that. you lie to someone who trusts you=but that is not mean , it is protection from consequences. ? l=ad me to belive that you are doing what you promised. ? I wanted to =eave early, I asked you three times if you were packed , the t=ird time I said go pack NOW. you decided not to. .=you told me on the ranch i know how to drive. ?! I had to say show m=. to find you were lying. . could have been danger=ous. I tell you to learn how to cook something,Noe spent h=urs on you tube. no you want to text your fr=ends. . knowing you were failgn school , you didnt=even ask your school for help. . the very night before you sho=ed me your grades I asked what clases you took, you didn= say movies. and then when caught, didnt say im sorry, more b=lIshit. . a degree comes with a score. =peopl in biz ask for that score. having a degree with a =ow score. is worse than having none. .