You & Ball-e

I am very stressed , but disciplined. These times are the most stressful, therefore I have decided not to make important decisions, until I can breathe , at least a little. that is why i need time away. you add, rather than releive the stress. You were so different., you were affectionate, and supportive,. said little, and smiled. Then Dana, -- just one thing. please dont do just one thing. if you really love me , how can you continue to do just the one thing i can't live with. I told you on the street that if i gave in to your whiniing it would be the beginnng of the end. IF you , are there for me , i will be there for you. I walked on the beach , in pb with you,and asked you to stop nagging. i told you that i loved only you and celina. I did not want to say no to either one of you . I asked you to stop nagging. I walked with you on the ranch, 5 years ago, when you were nagging about JEnn, I asked you to stop nagging. I have had the same discussion in the library in paris, the sixth floor. in new york, and at least four times in prison and five in the escalade. I have talked to shrinks with you , and without you. you have described your experience to me , what it is like to be with your mother. and how your father should leave. you look great, better than ever before.

Ball-e has charmed everyone on the ranch. Everyone thinks she likes them, they have all told me separately how they think she prefers them to the others, when she gives them a kiss and I am in the room. It's so funny. I know she will wag her tail when a new visitor comes, sleep with anyone, play with anyone, but when I call her, she will rather do it with me. There is no question how much she loves me and how much she misses me when I leave. She would choose me over anyone else in the world. When she is charming other people and quickly wraps them around her little paw, she might as well wink at me -)

You used to be like Ball-e. It was almost a show watching you charm another one, knowing its just like a game and having no doubt you love me desperately ( we even used to secretly hi-five when you did well) I wish I could still feel that way but something changed. Now your 'games' are more secretive, there is no winking, they feel more real and I no longer know you really love me, miss me or would pick me over anyone else. That takes the fun part away. Now watching the routine is just stressful, like when Ball-e runs out alone and I can't see her.. I still love her the same but I am annoyed with her, I yell her name as many times as it takes for her to get back and the whole experience is not pleasant.

PS: V is free at 2.30