Re:

I have never thought you would abandon me like this, ever.

https://finance.yahoo.com/news/former-google-career-coach-shares-192457773.html

Instead of recognition of your responsibility, and acknowledgment of your wrongdoing, you continue to whine - poor me. How could you?.. to your family and me. Instead of keeping your word, email after email saying promise NOW I realize that I must do somethings differently, promise I will change, try etc. you continue on your own repeated path again and again. I only wish you well. you want to be an influencer, you must exercise. you know that, but eat instead. you want to be a model you should probably do as most girls do and get their noses redone for photos. you didn't want a part time job, though temporary for fear of it becoming your life. all silly. you are smart and beautiful. you need to work

I am trying to do things differently in order to grow, build my identity and stand up on my own two feet as I said... You are the one person that has always been there for me and the only one I could really rely on. I just didn't expect you would let me go like this after everything... I would like to do something for you to show you my gratitude. I know I've lost a lot of time, patience of yours, credibility and made many mistakes by repeating the same wrong path over and over- I apologize for this. I will never be thankful enough. Thanks to you I've learned so many things that without your support I would have probably never known. You taught me so much about life and myself that I can only be thankful with you. I want to make you happy and I'm sorry I've disappointed you. It's by falling that one learns to walk and thanks to all of these mistakes that I have done over and over I've finally cleared up my mind and understood what are my real goals ( for real )

These are my goals:

1. Photography: Learning photography because it's my real passion ( after Jeffrey ) and I have an eye for it. Starting by becoming a photographer's assistant in order to master a camera, the light and learn all the basics.

2. Next: being represented by Next as an influencer not just because of my name but as a professional photographer and promote my work or fashion brands.

3. Acting classes ( if possible)

4. Train regularly and keep a healthy lifestyle

I will work hard in order to achieve these goals.

I love you so much Jeffrey, I just want to make you happy and if there is anything I can give you or do for you please let me know. I mean it.

Ps: I am meeting with Jean Baptiste Huynh the photographer on Friday ( we went at his studio together once ). I think he is the perfect base to start with if I want to learn about photography specially for the use of light. He is excellent in this and I could learn a lot from him. I love his work

I'm sure you might think that photography is not a real job but it can turn into one if I do it well. At the beginning I will earn no money with it since I have to learn and I will probably need to work in a shop or something to earn some money. My question is how do I learn by assisting a photographer if I work in a shop all day ?? How can I earn money to pay my rent and living and in the same time learn a new skill in order to grow in that specific field ? I'm not sure how I should manage this...

if I was smart and beautiful as you said I would be already successful and you would probably be with me instead of ignoring me. I don't even have a degree now

I'm booking my flight to NY

Whining

Jeffrey for now with no degree I can only get internships in good companies thanks to my contacts in order to learn, not real jobs. Everyone I ask for a paid job tell me I need to finish my degree, except for you ( you don't want to hire me as well or help me find one) ! All the internships/jobs good or bad I did since now I've always found them alone by myself. After asking everyone I know for a "real" paid job as you said the only options I have without a degree are: waitress, cleaner, babysitter or sales girl. I can't find any useful skills I can learn in those jobs that I haven't already learned before like being on time, humility and respect and no growth in a specific field of my interest. The only thing I see myself in is in the Art industry but you don't consider it as a "real job" . I find myself completely trapped in a situation where I can't find a way out and don't see a future... Sorry if I'm writing you this but I'm panicking

I also have to leave my apartment in 2 weeks and have no place where to stay, 5 luggages, no revenue to rent another apartment...

I cannot sleep. Also with all the goodwill it's impossible to stay positive. I think I'm going to move to the countryside, I cannot live in a city anymore. I need a family and someone taking care of me. The only person I wanted to be with doesn't even want to see me. I feel anxious, lonely, sad and heartbroken all at the same time.

But so we will never see each other again even when you come to Europe?

??