jeffrey E.

I sent you to parties to university to China to calif to Italy to Pari= to...... and instead of gratitude I get accusations -instead of living up =o agreement s. I hear how can you say things to me, instead of work, eve= part time I hear now I want more school You lied to me about= school. You chose your own path re alia, acting director, hotel coste ,=mangoni, and blame everyone for your situation - mother, me, etc

First of all, I am really sorry and I apologize=if at times I didn't manage to show how grateful I am for everything y=u have done for me. I apologize for my mistakes, my bratish behavior and i= I haven't followed the right directions. Even if you don't see it=that way, I haven't taken your help for granted, I know it is extraord=nary and I will always feel indebted to you in some way, no matter what ha=pens now.

I understand you be=ng angry and disappointed at me, I won't try to make excuses for mysel=, I only want you to see things from my perspective and maybe get a bit of=what's going on. I am deeply frustrated for not being able to choose a=life path and build a stable future for myself. It's part of my person=ility to escape from things and blame outside circumstances, but deep insid= I know the problems are in my head. There is a huge range of possibilitie= ahead of me, and I realise I am lucky to be in a relatively good position=to pursue any of them, but I get dizzy, scared, confused and in the end I&=39;m somehow incapable of taking real steps into one of them. This year I =ave been working harder, I'm trying to manage my image more efficientl= and I really did my best when interning for , but my mental blo=gage is still there and I can't really see a way out of it. I know you=have given me directions, but I needed closer guidance and support. I am n=t saying you owed it to me -you have done more than enough!-, or that your=directions weren't good, but maybe I'm not as strong or as smart a= you are to succeed in life by myself, at least at this first stage. No on= has the right to expect this from anyone, and as I said your monetary sup=ort is extraordinary. Whenever I've acted childishly or rebellious (I =ave trouble finding the right words) I was only hurt because I felt you di=tant, cold or indifferent... I wanted to see you more often, talk to you m=re, being able to share my dreams, my struggles and my fears. I ended up d=iving you away when I only wanted you closer to me. I blame no one but mys=lf, I should have been more open about my feelings and tried harder to fol=ow your advices, instead of rebelling against them if I didn't feel yo= close enough. I know it now and I understand that you've lost your pa=ience with me. I sometimes loose hope on myself as well... I underst=nd it is up to me to solve my situation and stand up on my own feet, thoug= I will rely on the directions you've given me with a new approach. Yo= won't be there anymore, and apart from the obvious economic inconveni=nces, it is the certainty to have a sort of stable rock next to me where I=ould rely on that I will miss more. I wanted to have you closer to me, bu= not having you at all from now on will make me cherish what I had. Thank =ou a thousand times for everything you've done for me.