(no subject)

I have left paris=C2* for california. I wish you well. =1 have little reason to trust anything you say. after many tim=s promises agreements. pledges all broken. T= suggest that my giving in to your crying , whing, and stupidity , w=s the wrong thing to do . and I should have not helped earlier=C2* is typical of your convoluted way of thinking

I have never said that. You =re so used in manipulating people that you constantly have to twist the se=tences your way. What I said is that you don't let a child drive alone=a car that YOU gave him and let him go faster when he doesn't know how=to drive just because he is having fun when you are aware he is going to c=ash BUT you don't kick him out of the car either. You sit next to him =nd you teach him how to drive by turning the steering weel if he goes off =rack and pulling the break if you need to ( you can't do that through = phone or by email).

What you have done aft=r giving the car to the kid is kicking him out after he drove to fast leav=ng him alone with no car in the middle of the highway saying "I wish =ou well" knowing he is going to die hitted by another car.

End of the story: the kid is obviously happy and grate=ul he received a car as a gift because without it he couldn't have dro=e until where he is now. However he cannot continue the journey stranded o= a highway.

quite the contrary you tell the child , yo= dont know how to drive it takes time to learnn the kid =TEALS the car and crashes it. . you forgive him , you te=l him his actions have consequences , but he steals the =ar again, runs over some other kids , and then whi=es that he doesnt know how to drive. .

Maybe the kid w=s just looking for a reaction in order to have closer guidance, not only b= having someone telling him but having someone teaching him.

I have a last question. What hap=ened about Cartier and school was 2 years ago. I apologized many times and=you know how sorry I was and I am. You forgave me and we kept talking to e=ch other. Exactly 6 months ago,In November we saw each other in Pari= and everything was normal. Just after, when I started working for Ala4k=AFa you started distancing yourself with no reason, recalling something th=t happened 2 years ago. My last question is: What did I do in November to =iserve this ? Is it because I told you I was sad we didn't sleep toget=er the last time I saw you ? Because it's since that moment that every=hing became weird. Please tell me the truth

I truly apologize for my =istakes and behavior in the last 2 years. Please tell me what I should do =nd I'll do it. What results should I bring ? I'll do anything for =t. I cannot make it through Life without you. You are the only person who =an guide me, I've got no one else.

stealing the car, lying about knowing how to drive ( which y=u also did ). at some point the kid says , yes I D=D IT i have no one to blame but myself. 4,=A0 please dont write me anymore I find it painful =c) read

No nothing. • tantrums , crisis after crisis =C24,good bye

True. I =ave no excuses. The only thing I can tell you is that I'm trying to do=better by learning from my mistakes in order to not repeat them. I've =aisted my time by going to parties instead of being serious. Everything wa= confused in my mind and I didn't really know what path to take, it t-=;s very easy to get lost when you are young, specially into fake illusions= Still now, I'm trying to understand myself and who I am. I believe it=takes time and it's different from person to person. Now little by lit=le I've started to focus more. I'm starting to understand real lif=, what are my priorities and things that really matter. Here are some acturl facts: I've started to earn some money ( which I've never =id before ) which I believe it's already a small accomplishment. I did=some babysitting and after 2 paid trial days ( 250 euros per day ) shootin= for Vogue and Dior, I've got hired by one of the best fashion photogr=phers called Paolo Roversi to be his assistant ( paid job ). I'm very =appy and excited to work and learn from him which is better than any photo=raphy school. I'm ready to work as long as I need to in order to build=my skills and stand out in that field. I think I've achieved some resu=ts and gained some value if I compare myself 2 years ago from now. Thanks =o you I had the possibility to make many interesting experiences like Ferr=gamo in China and Alaia in Paris. Even though I didn't get hired =rom them, those experiences allowed me to understand what I like and what = don't like and shaped in part the person I am. Thanks to the Ala.=AFa internship and my passion for photography I am now working with Paolo =oversi doing what I really like. However even though I work hard and I am =aid I cannot fully support myself to pay a rent and my living in Paris. I =eally would like to continue through this path, I feel it's the right =ne but I need your help, your support and your advices because I cannot ma=e it by myself. I promise I will use my money wisely witho=t throwing it away into futilities like

parties and holidays because I wan= to grow and build my skills, my carrier and hopefully my future self.Q=A0

its easy, go through th= last two years of emails that you have sent me . search=for the word "sorry" . or phrase &=uot;l'm sorry, "

how much money do you need.? a mo=th

2000 : 1500 rent + 500 food, for the rest I w=ll earn it.

Would that be ok for you ?

Jeffrey, I had no i=ea what was reality before. You started by sending me an incredible amount=of money like 10k, sometimes 5k and then when I was going to school you we=e sending me 4K or 3k a month which I extremely appreciated but I wasn'=t prepared for it, I had really no idea at that time what was the value of=money ending up doing stupid things and not taking life seriously. Even if=l was told, everything seemed very abstract in my mind. Now that I collaps=d I know. Now that I find myself in this situation, that I've started =orking and earning some, I understand how hard it is and how much work the=e is behind and wish everyday I knew this before... I don't earn a hou=e and the money I earn doesn't even cover the rent even though I'm=working. Jeffrey, I did understand the lesson. I beg you, please forgive m=. I need your help. I'm drowning, I'm not able to support myself a=l alone.

I know l=#39;ve let you down so many times. How can I prove to you that I will keep=my promise and continue working ? Tell me what results I should bring and =111 do it

I a=ologize for everything I did. Today I've made my first invoice. I swea= I'm doing my best to earn money, and learn things. I've never fou=d myself in this situation before and it's entirely my fault.

The difference=is that I've never earned money before and never worked so hard.

I'm doing what you asked me to =o and understand things better now but still I'm not able to support m=self entirely. I'm trying

How can I prove you =lI keep my word?

If not I will not be able to continue =y journey. I wish I could continue to work in Paris and assist this amazin= photographer. I'm struggling to find a house that I can rent in=Paris and have to leave the place where I've been staying for more tha= a month that a friend landed me on June 1st. At least, I =ope my written English has improved after all these messages...

I will not continue to argue for this story that ha=pened 2 years ago. What's important is that I know my limits and what ='m capable of, I will not try to convince you to believe me if you don=ft393. This is not the issue anyways... What I can tell you now is that I&=39;m trying my best to do better but can't do this alone.

not true. I've asked=you so many times "how are you"," What can I do for you&quo=;, told you so many times that I'll do anything for you. I know it'=s never enough but I never receive an answer from you when I write you nic= things or ask you what you would like. If I am being selfish right now it=#39;s becasue I'm in a difficult situation, want to prove you that I c=n make it and that I can keep my word. If you tell me what would YOU like =r need, I'll do it, even after you told me you never loved me... Becau=e I did.

no, that is the same am=unt that i gave you before, the same amount that you screamed= I dont care if i spend all the money you gave me on tickets to new y=rk. . the same amount that you promised to account for b=t broked your promise, the same amount that most people make wrokin= full time.

you have told me the same story 3 times. each time you ask =nd then do as you please throw tantrums. scream. threat=n . keep everyonein my house awake. . i asked you to keep tr=ck of the money the last three times. , you agreed. you =greed to take a part time jon and then quit after two weeks. . 4>=A0 and then you scream that i should not have helped you , if i thought it=was the wrong thing. .

youve apolgized at least 12 times I have over 20 Im sorry, =t wont happen again I PROMISE. this is just more of th= same. . only last week you were screaming in the street. caus=ng distress to everyone in my house. ringing the bell incessantly. =C2tumping up and downd and yelling. . i have =o idea , why you think that is how girls behave. . you=pronised to take care of tyour money at least three times before. =C240 . i see no difference now. it is exaclty the same as be=ore

congragul=tions

im not sure why =ou even think after all that you have done that i should help . •=A0 many others that keep their word come first.

youve asked me the same =uestions 10 times, swore that this time was differeent t and then =C240 broke the agreements. each time I told you , 4>=A0if this continues you will lose me, it did and you di=

It was not =he same situation and I was not earning money. I understood in which direc=ion I want to go but can't do it alone. If you give me one month of tr=al I can keep track of all my expenses and show you how motivated I am to =o better

Not as good as Ted essay you swore you wrote but lied4>=A0

AIwYs always about you and what you need or want

i ;l think aabout i= ,but this is the EXACT same story for at least the 5th time

Thank you for taking the time to think about it... =C24,

I will not promise you anything but will let the actions s=eak by themselves. I would like to make you happy without causing you dist=ess. If you ever decide to give me another chance, I will do my best not t= let you down anymore not only for you but also to prove to myself that I =an make it. It took time but finally I've understood that no one else =s going to do it for me if I don't. After repeated mistakes and fallin=, I'm learning to see life with a different point of view shaped with =iscipline, learning, hard work and gratitude in order to achieve my goals =nd grow to become a better version of myself. I've been giving it a lo= of thoughts and understood what life is really about. Nothing can be achi=ved without discipline and hardwork. I believe I'm ready to bring out =he best of me in order to achieve concrete results by making a positive an= meaningful change to my everyday life and apply your guidance with a seri=us and mature approach. I apologize one more time for my mistakes and misb=havior hoping I can move forward and never let it happen again.

Not sure if I should be flattered or offended but I'll take it as = compliment

Again - why should I

Because I've changed the way I perceive things in life and I bel=eve I've matured in many different aspects. I've been working hard= earned some money, found myself and what I liked. It's already =n achievement. I didn't write you "I need" or "I want&q=ot; or "I promise". What I told you this time is to look at my a=tions and my relusts, nothing else. The fact that you didn't believe I=wrote that message is the perfect example. I took time and dedication to w=ite what I wrote and instead of saying: " good job, you've improv=d. I'm proud of you", you said: " I know you didn'= write it" after I've spent 2hours on it.

who wrote that? tell the=truth, as i know you had help

I promise on my own Life that I just wrote=it

I've been =riting, rewriting and correcting it in order to find the exact words and a=hieve perfection for almost 2 hours on my notes. I would never show this t= anyone as it is for me extremely personal and heart-felt.

makes little difference to me, im not sure wh= you think i should help you? yes you need it , yes you =ant it. but thats the same old story, over and over. 40=A0 each time exactly the same. i realize now. blah blah,=C2* this time is different blah blah, i promise4,=A0 blah blah , trust me blah blah, . i want = need I want i need

true,Q=A0 but what in the world does that have to do with anyone but yourself.j>=A0 . typical. . there are =any peopl that ask for help and most take it seriously, = still not sure why you think i should help you after all you have d=ne and no done.

When I first m=t you I had no sense of money and reality, had a different mentality and w=s in a different situation... My emotions took over my rational part and l=became completely blind and stupid. I had different priorities. I was spen=ing more time thinking about you, trying to find out if you cared for me o= not and distracting myself going to parties instead of focusing how I wou=d earn, manage my money and take my life seriously. I know it's entire=y my fault and I blame no one but myself.

Now that I took =ome distance and find myself in this situation, I understand how stupid an= careless I was. Today I'm like most people asking for help, fin=ing myself in a miserable place. To be honest I have no idea of why I shou=d be different from them and as most people do in this situation if I was =iven an opportunity I would size it straight away and take it as seriously=as possible in order to never fall again in this horrible place where I am=now. I gave you all my reasons and motivations in my previous messages. I&=39;m desperately looking to flourish and as Insaid to become the best vers=on of myself. I would do anything for it. Now it's only up to you to d=cide. I don't know why I'm still asking for your help after all I =ave done or not done, I guess because hope is the strongest driving force =hat keeps people alive.

If I move to the countryside I will end up doing nothing at all a=d it's going to be the end. I'm ready to work in Paris the whole s=mmer. Please, I need your help. I'll do everything you want.

Jeffrey pleeeaaase I'm stuck. If I don'= find a solution before June 1st I need to move to the countryside lhour=from Rome ) because my mother rented my room to a girl for a year. I would=love to stay in Paris to continue working and following the path of photog=aphy but I cannot afford it anymore and don't have a house after the 1=t. I'm really alone having to manage everything... it's impossible=