Re:

I take a plane tomorrow to New York (I don't care if I spend all my money for this) and even if you are not there, I'll wait every single day in front of your house until you'll be back (at this point I don't mind to sleep in the street, I don't have a house anyways). I need to speak to you.

I'm in the Middle East. PR is in 10 days. Bad internet.

Sorry, do you think this is some type of threat to me? I wish you well, at least for now. So sending me multiple emails (which I have just seen) or messages is not in your interest. You find yourself in the position that is a result of your own actions - no more no less. I am confident that you will find a path on your own. I remind you that if I receive one more bad email, you will not speak to me for one year. I'm sure you will find work.

Does wishing me well mean not taking any news from me at all? Here is a little brief of what happened to me in the last month and this period that you've "wished me well": I saw my grandmother dying in front of me (one of the most painful things I've ever experienced), dealing with doctors, funerals, had to move tons of stuff alone from my house without knowing where to go and still now sleeping on a couch without a room of my own (my mother rented my room for a year in Rome so I don't even have a real home where to go). Working 12h per day as a babysitter in order to earn some money because it's the only paying job I found without a degree after asking everyone I knew. In addition trying to keep up with the photographer. I promise I'm trying my best to be strong and stay positive but managing all this alone at 20 years old with no moral support and a broken heart is hard, especially after I've loved you so much with every part of myself and still do now... (I guess this is the reason you've pushed me away). Anyways I don't want to whine but just let you know that even in this hard situation I'm doing the best I can to grow and survive. I love you.

I've asked everyone I knew. The only real paying job I found is babysitter (which I'm doing). I've got no real qualifications and skills for companies to hire me. The reason I don't speak to my mother is because I defended you.

Sorry to hear about grandmother. All the rest is merely the result of your actions. Not taking school seriously when you had the chance. Fighting with your mother. Prioritizing parties instead of work and future. Breaking every deal you had with me including lying about the school I had paid for. Keep asking for work, you will find some.

I'm very sorry to hear how difficult you are finding things. At some time you will have to recognize the role you played in getting here. It didn't just happen.

I know it didn't just happen and I assume my responsibilities. Does this mean that I should stay in this situation forever because of my previous mistakes? I'm starting to understand how life works. It's not easy, actually it's very scary and wild. I feel like I've been thrown in a jungle all of a sudden surrounded by lions. You've always told me that school is useless and internships (even if in good companies, like I've always found) as well since they are not paid so it was a waste of time. Now I'm working very hard as a babysitter from 8am to 8pm, a paid job (the kind of job you've always told me to do) and assisting the photographer when I can in order to learn something interesting (babysitting is not very interesting and it's taking most of my time and energy) but it's paid... How long should I work as a babysitter in order to be successful? Do you think this is getting me on the right path?