Jackie's in south NJ, Riverhead LI, Philadelphia!
for information on Jackie's shows, you can always just "Use Your Finger!" thirty-seven years of free jokes! and dial (516) 922-WINE ... (516) 922-9463 not a pay service, just a local call ...
Schneider goes to visit his friend at work, and he says, "Man, your new secretary of yours is hot. She's gorgeous." His friend says, "Yeah, and she's a robot. If you squeeze her left boob, she takes dictation. If you squeeze her right boob, she dials the boss. And you can fuck her. Go ahead, take her into the closet." Schneider takes her into the closet, and in a few minutes, his friend hears, "Yoowwwchh!" His friend yells, "Oh, I forgot to tell you ... her asshole's a pencil sharpener."
I hope you enjoyed this month's jokes ... if you didn't, why don't you go play leapfrog with a Greek sailor ...
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Friedman goes to Hell and he's met by the devil. The devil says, "The punishments are changed every thousand years. You have three choices." They open the door to the first room and there's a young guy strapped to a pole, being whipped. They open the door to the second room and there's a middle-aged guy being tortured with fire. They open the door to the third room there's an old guy chained to the wall getting a blow job from a pretty blonde. Friedman says, "I'll take the third room." The devil taps the blonde on the shoulder and says, "Okay, you can stop. This guy's replacing you."
A guy gets in a big barroom brawl and his jaw gets smashed up so badly that they have to wire it shut, so for a few weeks he has to be fed through his butt.
After a couple days, he mumbles through the wires to the nurse, "Nurse, I can't stand it. I gotta have a cup of coffee. I gotta have a cup of coffee."
So the nurse gets a tube, sticks it up his ass, puts a funnel in the tube and pours in the coffee.
The guy starts jumping around, going "Unh! Unh!"
She says, "Is it too hot?"
He mumbles, "No! It's too sweet!"
It's a New Year!
... and it's gonna be a great one! my autobiograpohy's coming out this Summer!
I told Donald Trump I got a deal to write an autobiography and he said, "Who's it about?"
when's the last time you "Used Your Finger!" and dialed (516) 922-WINE ?! still going, 37 years later ... (516-922-9463)
please tell everybody you know that to get on the list for monthly jokes, to just e-mail me, jokeland@aol.com
and remember ... you can pick your nose, and you can pick your friends, but you can't wipe your friends on the couch.
Long Island!
I hope to see you at The Historic Suffolk Theater in Riverhead 8pm, Friday January 27th, with my pal Rich Harkaway
this is where I type I love you & appreciate you, and always have ...
Jackie