Fwd: (no subject)

I never have quite figured out why the sexual urges of men & women differ so much. I never have figured out the whole Mars & Venus thing. And I never have figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart. Also, I never have figured out how sexual desire gets thrown into a state of turmoil when it hears the words, "I do."

One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she then says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said, "WHAT?!"

So she says the words that I and every other husband on the planet dread. She explains that I must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a woman.

I'm thinking, "What was her first clue?" I finally realized that nothing is going to happen that night, so I went to sleep.

The very next day we went shopping at a big, unnamed department store...

I walked around while she tried on three very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her to take all three of them.

She then tells me that she wants matching shoes worth $200 each to which I say, "OK." And then we go to the jewelry department where she gets a set of diamond earrings. Let me tell you ...she was so excited! She must have thought that I was one wave short of a shipwreck, but I don't think she cared. I think she was testing me when she asked for a tennis bracelet because she doesn't even play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when told her that it was OK.

She was almost sexually excited from all of this and you should have seen her face when she said, "I'm ready; let's go to the cash register."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No, honey. I don't feel like buying all this stuff now."

You should have seen her face ... it went completely blank. I then said, "Really, honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while." Just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a man."

I figure that I might be having sex again sometime during the Spring thaw of 2003.