Re:

what used to be in my head was a 16 cylinder machine„ it went to 3 to 4 for while, then back to 8, ( 6-8 normalfor most ). now 10-12.. I laughed in the middle of the night realzing that what you are asking is equivalent to ok , Fuck me NO. then you will have to get on a plane and relive that horrible time.

it is that you are afraid to say„ fuck me, in fear that once again you will hear the dreaded " no

Although I am glad you are amused, I don't understand this email...you mean it sounds like I am asking you to say it or like I am saying it?

yes