(no subject)

Waiting for ████████...

I cried when I came home and saw your things gone I cried for a few hours: I thought it was tragic I thought if you left it was only because you did not think I was your soulmate thought you would never leave me no matter what. I thought that if I ran out of money and we had to move to a small little place in the woods somewhere.....you would have come with me. So when I came home and you left...I was surprised....I thought you would stick with me no matter what. I was crying. I was very very sad. And surprised: Yes - I was sure you were my soulmate. I would move to the woods with you without hesitating for a second. But the question is would you do the same? I guess I thought you believed in us so much. That it was not about what I might do for you. You just wanted to be with me and if I was in a bad mood or needed time, you would stick with me no matter what. I think we both loved each other a lot.....but perhaps needed to communicate better. I thought you were my soulmate you made it clear that you wouldn't help me no matter what, that I should find my own way to help myself - marry a gay or another guy etc. And upset. I did not mean it...I was frustrated and stressed. You know I did not mean it. And you know I love you very much. At least you didn't have to think how to stay in the country. And I would be in now if Jeffrey hadn't helped. And then I thought you went off and married some guy. You told me to do so. I did not mean it...I was very frustrated and upset. You wished me good luck with that. When you came back all dressed up from meeting a potential future husband....my whole face got red. You saw how upset I was. You know that I loved only you - but I needed help, not you being upset at me. My is not my fault, it was a problem that needed to be solved. I love you so much. See some good in me. I thought if you were really sure I was your soulmate and your future - you would help. I love you and I'm sure you love me, but perhaps you were not sure about future with me. Otherwise, I don't understand. As I said you were ready to take financial responsibility, but not emotional. We should sit down and have a heart to heart talk. I can come see you next week or week after that. And yes - I would go live with you in a little house in the woods, but if the woods requires - how can I do that? If you make me truly believe that you would...I will marry you. I promise that if I believe you would go live in the little cabin in the woods with me. I will marry you and start a family. I liked when you cleaned me. When you did not cook for me...did not think you were serious or trying things with other girls. I love you. I told you that I would learn to cook when I find a good teacher - and I did. And I told you I was very excited about playing with girls. In 1.5 years I proved that I was very serious about you and our future. However, I did not get the same certainty from you. Now I do need some time to think. I will talk to you at the end of the week and let you know whether we are meeting. Now I have to believe that you would follow me to the little cabin. Why would we not meet?

and he has asked 6 times if Elon has given me anything? and what did Elon give me? - I ignored and again blabbing about how special we were, that he never loved or felt like this about anyone, how I could calm him down after a stressful day (also mentioned that I could not hike for many hours - but eventually since I'm in better shape now - he thinks I could enjoy hiking more;), that he liked how I invented new things in bed and always wanted to try new things and how great it was; etc etc