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UAE driving license (see attached)

Obtaining one can drive you mad. I got to the Licensing Dept before 8am. I had to go back three times because they tell you what documents you're lacking, one by one. They can't tell you all at once what you actually need.  

 

The driving license dept fail many trying out for their licenses since the traffic is so bad. On average it takes a year to get a license. They should withdraw licenses from all Indian and Paki drivers and thereby save lives.

 

When I did the x-ray for the visa, I had to state a reason why I was not pregnant:

a. Single (since that makes it impossible for you to be pregnant)

b. Married, but no sexual relations with husband (forget about 60% cheating)

c. Widowed (they never have sex)

 

You have to give these people credit for having the energy to mess with foreigners, do warfare with everyone, terrorism, counter-terrorism, and in the midst of all this, the men are confident enough with their sexuality to wear a white gown - in public no less.  

 

I learned from my colleague, who is currently taking her driving license, that I've been making an illegal turn in a roundabout every morning! So there I am, honking at other drivers in the roundabout thinking they are making illegal turns... Oopsie...

 

I've realized that you get the best of the best in New York. The best doctors. The best hair stylist. The best food. The best entertainment. 

 

The only thing that rocks here are the cars / SUV's. Maserati and Bentley are as commonplace here as Volvo in Sweden.

 

Any type of governmental agency always requests that you bring at least four passport pictures with you for visa, driving license etc. They take your pictures and probably toss them. Then they take your picture with a crappy digital camera and slap on your visa / driving license etc.

 

See attached for good example of this.

 

The Manager of brokerage told me I should get a CFA. I said I have an MBA, but left out that I have a $100,000 MBA from Stern Business School as I didn't think this would have any meaning to him. Turned out that "MBA" didn't have any meaning to him...  

 

At this point I could no longer take his ignorance so I said what only an Arab can appreciate: "Yalla, get out of here! I need to pretend to work."

 

Investment banking is boring as hell. In private equity at least you're working for yourself, trying to acquire companies that will make you money.

Investment banking is just doing a lot of marketing / free work for potential clients. Statistically, if you pitch 20 potential clients, you get one.

 

By chance, I learned from a colleague that I was responsible for one of our projects at work. I found this very odd since I wear the low title of "associate" and joined the firm 12 seconds ago.

 

I looked up the list and alarmingly found that I'm responsible for five projects!!! Eh, I mean, I'm lucky if I can find the power-button on my Middle-aged PC in the mornings...

 

On the bright side: The firm does have a long-term plan for me and eventually I will develop my skills.

 

On the bottom-of-the-barrel-dark-side: I'll be doing a lot of work for nothing.

 

I had one stalker in my life: a Lebanese-Australian cheapass who's been calling me for a year. I only picked up once a few months back and if I remember correctly, I told him to go f***** himself.

 

Nevertheless, my boss invited him to a forum the company is sponsoring. Oh goodie. I tried to get sympathy from my boss, but he just said: "I hate to tell you, but some of the things we have to do at this company to get clients..."

 

Don't take them if you can avoid it. They will make you constipated. Not that it happened to me, but it could easily happen to someone else...

 

I work out a lot in the gym because that's the only thing I can do for free.  There's actually a lot of activities you can do here, but it all costs money and I have none. Next week I have a tennis lesson scheduled, though. Want to play before it gets too hot.

 

At MAC we have a broker from the Rostamani family. He's playing with his dad's money in the stock market and lost AED 1 million ($272,000). Dad doesn't care.