132 Teaching Minds
Teaching people how to influence people involves putting them in situations where it is possible to influence people and seeing how it goes. There is nothing to learn exactly. We try behaviors and see what works. What works for one person may not work for another. One way or another, we learn how to get what we want, or we learn to hang out with people who will respond to our needs. This is basically a sub- conscious process. We are so busy working on this at a very young age that we may not have any idea what it is we know or how to improve what we do. Of course, there is a conscious part as well. Someone can tell us that we will catch more flies with honey than with vinegar, and we can, if we think about it, adjust our behavior. But aphorisms about what works and what doesn’t work aren’t always correct and are highly idiosyncratic. Although there are books about how to win friends and influence people, the reality is that, apart from adopting a phony personality, people are who they are, more or less.
But this does not mean they can’t be taught what works. It usually does mean that they can be taught what works as a result of their own experience. And, they can be taught what doesn’t work as a result of their own experience. But this isn’t at all easy. If it were, psychiatrists would not be able to make a living. You can tell a person to change his behavior, you can even tell him exactly what to do when, but he is likely not going to be able to do what you say.
The way influence is taught currently is probably the way it has to be taught, then, by use of mentors who look at your behavior and talk you through why you do what you do. This same mentoring method can be used in corporate settings. Simulations may not be so effective because while we may know and be able to say the right answer, this doesn’t mean that we can execute the desired behavior in reality.
HOW TO TEACH TEAMWORK
Teamwork is learned by working in teams. It is a mixed process be- cause, here again, we behave in ways that are not so conscious but we can make conscious changes. Leaders learn to manage teams by thinking about what works and what doesn’t. Quarterbacks must learn to manage their teammates. If they don’t, it really doesn’t mat- ter how well they can throw the ball. Team members have to want to work hard for the leader, and the leader has to know how to mo- tivate each team member. People are different so what works for one
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