Other men seem to be having issues with their age. One mentioned that he's just turned 40, and that's really bugging him. Then he flaked out on me a couple times -- I don't think he was completely okay with his own decision to be seeing me. But anyway, often, another thing these men seem to get out of it is access to someone who has a bunch of youthful energy and optimism and just plain new ideas. A lot of them have mentioned feeling stuck, or bored, or cynical, or intellectually constrained. So in this sense sex is only one thing I'm offering them -- I'm also offering them optimism, hope, energy, and so on. Firstly, the sex is good in and of itself, as most of them aren't getting laid otherwise. But the sex is also a symbol of them getting access to my youthful energy or whatever.
I think the archetypal image of a mistress involves a woman being "kept" so that she doesn't have to work, so that she can be available for sex basically whenever. But I don't think this is what the men I see want. I am more valuable to them because I have other work that I am seriously invested in, and am having sex with them anyway. Again, these men are interested in a woman who they see as more "equal" to them -- in this case, defined by earnings potential -- and they seem gratified by the idea that they could help me enter their income bracket someday. This is, of course, still kind of patronizing; like I said, they keep using words like "mentor." It's also presumptuous. But I think a lot of them being patronizing and presumptuous can probably be attributed to age and wealth, and only some of it to gender.
I think I've learned more about class and money than I have about gender. It turns out there are people to whom $1,000 versus $3,000 doesn't matter that much, and I finally understand that on a visceral level. $1,000 doesn't mean the same thing to me as it does to most of them. I knew this, but now I really know it.
Another thing I've been struck by is exactly how much romantic relationships are worth. I've had several clients tell me they don't feel wealthy, and they feel like they worry about money a lot. I think they were sincere. Of course, my first thought was: don't you think that your $2,000-per-month prostitute is part of the budget that could be trimmed? But I think that maybe it's not, actually. I think they think that investing a lot of money in me is a good investment for them if it gives them a release valve so they can deal with the rest of their lives. They're probably right.
Clarisse Thorn: You mentioned that you feel powerful in your relationships with these men. But there are issues of your safety, right?
Olivia: I think there are issues of safety anytime a person meets someone they don't really know, especially if they plan to spend time in private. And especially if you're dealing with topics as sensitive as sex or money. There may be more issues of safety with this because some people really do believe that money can buy them anything. But for the most part, when I meet people they seem very respectful.
Things I do to increase my safety are that I tell my husband and my friends where I'm going to be, I tell them exactly where I am. I'll do things like take down a client's license plate number and text it to my husband. I've been thinking maybe I should look at each client's driver's license too, and text the client's name and driver's license number to my husband. I think some clients might feel threatened by that, though.
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