added impulsively, "Take care, handsome, and have lots of wonderful children."
"You too,” he replied. "We'll see if I become okay with poly first, or you gain these ‘adult’ preferences...”
I shook my head and laughed over my phone, walked home with a spring in my step.
San Francisco had done what I needed it to do.
This can be found on the Internet at:
S&M:
[theory] BDSM As A Sexual Orientation, and Complications of the Orientation Model
The first version of this post was written in 2009. I updated it slightly and reposted it in 2012. The online version includes an evolving set of relevant links at the end.
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BDSM As A Sexual Orientation, and Complications of the Orientation Model
There's a hilarious sticker that you can buy online at a website called TopPun.com. It shows a list with "Homosexual Agenda” written at the top. The list items are: "1. Spend time with family, 2. Be treated equally, 3. Buy milk.” (You can also buy a keychain version.)
I love that because it so perfectly highlights how preposterous all those right-wing accusations about "the gay agenda" are. Actually, gay people just want to live their lives like everyone else; the to-do list for most gay people looks a lot like most other people's.
In a way, that sticker also highlights some problems with the very concept of sexual orientations -- the way we sort ourselves into groups based on sexuality and its apparent innateness. Why do people have to insist on being so different from each other? A question that sometimes gets raised in BDSM contexts: is BDSM a "sexual orientation"? And I have such mixed feelings about that question. I feel intense BDSM as an incredibly important aspect of my sexuality, perhaps an innate one, but I don't want us to fall into the same traps that beset homosexuality.
I remember the first moment it occurred to me to consider BDSM an orientation -- the first time I used that word. I believe I was writing up my coming-out story at the time; I was discussing the way I freaked out when I came into BDSM, and I wrote: Jn
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